How to get over social anxiety disorder

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Also known as Social Phobia, this disorder according to mayoclinic.com, consists mainly of feelings of embarrassment, extreme fear, self-consciousness and irrational anxiety on day to day interactions with other people. People who suffer from this disorder may be mistaken by other people as being shy but it’s not their case, I guarantee you that. I've been suffering from this disorder since my early childhood days and at first, I thought I  also that I was shy till as I grew older, I started noticing that my shyness was to extreme and constant even  when I was interacting with people I know.

People who suffer from social anxiety disorder tend to have felling of self doubt “Do I look good?”, “Are they talking about me?”, “Do they think I sound/look stupid?” . Low self esteem is also another problem associated with people suffering from social phobia because of their constant self doubt. Challenging self doubt can be very tiresome as it requires a lot of patience and dedication. 

Social phobia or anxiety tends to make people who suffer from it to scared to leave their comfort zones to face real life social situations.

People who suffer from social anxiety usually have a very low self esteem because they are always thinking negatively about themselves. I used to think that there was no cure for it and therefore I was bound to live with it for the rest of my life but to my amaze I stumbled on some really helpful tips on the web which have been helping me a lot and helping me live a much better life.

1)Practice being relaxed

Not many people think of worrying as self- programming, but it is. When you worry intensely about upcoming social situations, you are repeatedly linking anxiety to the events. Then when you actually go into the social situation itself, you feel anxious – you've programmed yourself to feel

this way. You can start to change this response by taking time to think about the future gathering whilst relaxed – maybe when sitting in a comfortable chair or relaxing in a warm bath. Imagine seeing yourself at the social event, looking relaxed and confident. Do this repeatedly and your body and mind will forge a new and better automatic association to these times.

2) Seek out social situations

Imagine living in a house for thirty years, but always avoiding one room. When you finally ventured into the mysterious room, you might feel a little tense and anxious. Why? The more we avoid something, the more we send the message to the unconscious mind: "I am

avoiding this because it is dangerous." Your mind, trying to be helpful, builds up the fear of what it is you're avoiding even more. In nature, we avoid a clump of trees because it might have lions in it or we avoid cliff edges because falling off means death. We avoid what frightens us and, in return, are frightened by what we avoid. So start actively putting yourself in social situations.

Another way to cultivate outward focus is to ask questions. Social anxiety has us worrying what other people think of us, so focus on other people instead. Be curious. Ask people open-ended questions that require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer. Make a point of remembering what

they say and referring back to it later to demonstrate your interest. Again, this forces your focus of attention to shift outward. It's also nice for other people, meaning you might accidentally make

 friends as a 'by-product' of this strategy.

4) Make a much careful use of your imagination

Your imagination is a wonderful thing. Used constructively, it can be a massive help (see Tip 1

above). But social anxiety often has you using it to scare yourself. This is like using a hammer (a

potentially useful tool) to wash the dishes. Years of public speaking taught me that trying to imagine what people are thinking of you is a big no- no. If you catch yourself 'mind-reading', tell yourself the truth: "Look, I really don't – and can't – know

what these other people are thinking right now!" Ultimately, we can influence what others think of us, but we can never control it. And as you become more socially confident, you'll care less anyway. To change any behavior, your mind needs positive instructions. Don't think: "I hope I don't feel terrified  usual!" – this is like someone asking you directions by telling you where they don't want to end up. Instead, ask yourself: "How do I want to feel in these situations?" And get into the habit of focusing on that. Find your 'target feeling' by looking to times when you are  comfortable with others (say, old friends or trusted family members). Then you can use these situations as templates for preparing your mind to perform the way you want in social situations. To do this, close your eyes and get yourself nice and relaxed. Take time to remember how it feels to be with these familiar people until you get a strong feeling of comfort. Imagine seeing yourself in a formerly less comfortable social situation, but behaving like you do with your trusted friends. This sort of mental rehearsal is extremely powerful and can make a massive difference over time.

5) Be yourself

Part of social anxiety treatment involves teaching people to be relaxed enough to be able to present a less-than-perfect image. That's right; people who are relaxed about sometimes making a 'bit of a fool of themselves' tend to be much more socially confident. There's no need for you to become a party buffoon, but being prepared to show a less- than-perfect side of yourself is a sign of great confidence. For example, being humorous is a (slight) risk because it might just produce a stony silence (it's happened to me – no, really!). The point is that social anxiety gets us caring too much about what others think. Trying to present a perfect front makes us stilted by driving out spontaneity. Typical self-conscious thoughts are: "I hope no one notices I'm tense." "What if people think I'm stupid?!" "Who would want to hear anything I have to say?" "I think I'm coming across as a weirdo!" These all imply that occasional tenseness, weirdness, and inappropriate speech are somehow out of the norm for human interaction. Believe me, they're not (even, I'm sure, inside Buckingham Palace!). Worrying about ever 'putting a foot wrong' is a form of perfectionism. Being a perfectionist is fine when doing surgery, but not for meeting the in-laws or going to that neighbor's party. Even socially confident people occasionally act a little weird or get the wrong end of a conversation or feel flustered.

The difference is, they relax with these things when

they do happen.

Its been 6 weeks of making use of these tips and am starting to feel some change in my life, I am able to control myself better when am in a social situation like a group date with friends. No need to rely on those expensive pills which the doctor tells us to take or go seek assistance of a therapist which will be glad to talk a lot of crap with you so that he cashes out as much as possible for you. These tips are cost effective and can ease up the pressure on your life if, well atleast that's what they are doing in mine. Or if you think you do better with medication I advise you to read my article on natural remedies for anxiety, it might help you.

Sources: www.pickthebrain.com

                Wikihow

                www.mayockinic.com

Article written by: Cristo Rutazihana

Fractionation, the best of all seduction techniques

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This is one of the most powerful seduction techniques I retrieved from the web, and it is also the most controversial one because according to various websites I visited, it can help you seduce any girl in less than 15 minutes regardless of experience in the seduction game. It’s a good technique for beginners like you and me, who want to venture into the seduction game and get successful.  Nice, I like the sound of that, what about you my friend?  Any chick in less than 15 minutes, that’s nice, it’s faster than the push-pull technique for sure.

According to http://www.fractionationseduction.net ,   fractionation is simply a very powerful dating and seduction technique discovered by Sigmund Freud and further developed later by Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) founder John Grinder. But this technique at first it was said to be very hard to understand, especially people who are not into psychology but luckily for us recently, Derek Rake, a very prominent name in the seduction game created a more comprehensive version of the fractionation technique. To learn how to view this video visit http://www.fractionationseduction.net, I did watch the video myself- it was sent to me to my email address. I can assure you that in the video, the explanation is perfect that I don’t even need to write down about the technique here in this article, I just need t watch it over and over again to understand it better. It’s better for you to hear the explanation by Derek Rake, because the dude is the one who came up with it.

Imagine my friend, you and I, previous losers in the seduction game being able to get hold of extremely hot chicks in less than 15 minutes, man I can’t wait for that to happen, I’m tired of being a loser. Am going to try it this technique and many others that I posted in my blog right away, you should also go do the same. I’m not ugly, am good looking and young, my only problem is that I’m not good in the seduction game some may say because am shy but am sure it’s not just that, I got social anxiety. That shit leaves me shy and scared 10 times more than normal shy people, it’s really hard for me but I know I’ll make it. Lets prove them other bastards out there that we can also get hold of them hot ladies….lets master all these seduction techniques and become pros in this seduction game. Trust me, I know we can….let’s do it my friend……

Email me your results brother at chrizzymozmoz@gmail.com  and don’t forget to leave your comment.

Article written by: Cristo Rutazihana

Confidence

                                                           

                                         

Confidence is the ability to trust yourself in all that you do, be it giving a public speech, seducing a girl/boy or simply participating in a beauty pageant.

Confidence is closely related to Bravery because it involves the process of facing your fears that stop you from achieving something you eager to in your life like for example asking a girl/boy that you like out.

Characteristics of less confident people

They spend a quantity of their time thinking about their faults, what other people think about them(dress code, style, appearance, etc), things they can do to improve their image to please other people they interact or come across.

They never accept/believe that they are capable of achieving or doing something great in their lives.

They choose to accept failure before they even try simply because they believe that they are not capable of succeeding.

They are most of their time in a depressive mood.

They always complain about their selves and try to act like other people just to please others.

Characteristics of confident people

  

They enjoy challenges and always give their best in order to win. Even if they eventually lose, they don’t get discouraged to try again.

They don’t get easily affected by negative comments made by other people.

They recognize and accept their faults. They don’t try and correct them, they live with them because they know that no one in the world is perfect.

They avoid negative thinking and focus only on the positive side of every situation they encounter.

They accept and love themselves. They don’t act like someone else just to please others.

Steps for increasing your confidence

· Firstly you should accept that you are not perfect or other words start loving who you are.

· Drop the negativity and start thinking positively.

· Start challenging yourself to try out things which you were afraid to do before like taking part in the schools debate group.

      

· Ignore negative comments from other people and stick to what you feel makes you comfortable like only wearing orange socks.

                

·  Always remember that people with self confidence achieve their goals and dreams because they are more eager to fight for them.

·  Try smiling more often, a smile adds color to your image and attracts people plus is also good for your health.

·  Try a new look to change your nerdy image. Choose a new unbiased dress code which still makes feel comfortable.

· Exercise more, it will not only leave much healthier but also much happier and relaxed.

                                                 

Article written by: Cristo Rutazihana

What’s the best way to live your life?

                 

Many, including myself have asked this question, to friends, parents, religious leaders, and many more other possible sources of answers but am sure everyone got differentiated answers.

All get differentiated answers because there is no lone answer to this question-the answers to it are vast because, everyone gives out their opinion on what’s the best way to live life. In my opinion, one should live in a way that is most comfortable to him/her, a way that brings happiness only and not in a way suggested by others because by doing so, you would be living their idea of life and not yours.

      

My mother always says “ One should be a captain of his life’’, in my interpretation of these words, one should be able to control his/her life and not let others do that for them because we are all humans not robots who have their entire life programmed for them by some other person. God when creating us gave us freedom of choice-that means he gave us the chance to decide how our lives will run, the only think he does is to sit down and watch how your life rolls. When he sees that you chose a wrong life path he won’t interfere directly in your life, he will try and guide you out of that path but you are still free to choose if you will follow him or not.

     

Things that can bring positive changes in your life  

                  

  

      Friends are usually the ones who bring many smiles and laughters in our lives so the best thing to do is to spend more time with them. Go for a drink, a walk in park, a picnic or travel the world as a backpacker, lets agree, all of that will be much more enjoyable if we do it with a group of friends.

              

      Take a break from your busy life in the office and go relax in the country, in granny’s house to enjoy her delicious food and wonderful stories of her past. The country is a good option also because you will get close to nature, and nature is, and will always be the best remedy for stress.

  

      Go for a swim, fishing or face the wave, go do anything that takes your mind of the many stresses of life. It has been proven scientifically that taking part in sports reduces stress levels in the organism and helps in making the body healthier.

·         Do anything with your life, just make sure you are the one to do it and not someone else. Live your life your way and remember always those words Drake said “YOLO” meaning you only live once, so do me a favor and start living the best way possible.  

 

Article written by: Cristo Rutazihana