How to get over social anxiety disorder

healthequalshappybody.blogspot.com

Also known as Social Phobia, this disorder according to mayoclinic.com, consists mainly of feelings of embarrassment, extreme fear, self-consciousness and irrational anxiety on day to day interactions with other people. People who suffer from this disorder may be mistaken by other people as being shy but it’s not their case, I guarantee you that. I've been suffering from this disorder since my early childhood days and at first, I thought I  also that I was shy till as I grew older, I started noticing that my shyness was to extreme and constant even  when I was interacting with people I know.

People who suffer from social anxiety disorder tend to have felling of self doubt “Do I look good?”, “Are they talking about me?”, “Do they think I sound/look stupid?” . Low self esteem is also another problem associated with people suffering from social phobia because of their constant self doubt. Challenging self doubt can be very tiresome as it requires a lot of patience and dedication. 

Social phobia or anxiety tends to make people who suffer from it to scared to leave their comfort zones to face real life social situations.

People who suffer from social anxiety usually have a very low self esteem because they are always thinking negatively about themselves. I used to think that there was no cure for it and therefore I was bound to live with it for the rest of my life but to my amaze I stumbled on some really helpful tips on the web which have been helping me a lot and helping me live a much better life.

1)Practice being relaxed

Not many people think of worrying as self- programming, but it is. When you worry intensely about upcoming social situations, you are repeatedly linking anxiety to the events. Then when you actually go into the social situation itself, you feel anxious – you've programmed yourself to feel

this way. You can start to change this response by taking time to think about the future gathering whilst relaxed – maybe when sitting in a comfortable chair or relaxing in a warm bath. Imagine seeing yourself at the social event, looking relaxed and confident. Do this repeatedly and your body and mind will forge a new and better automatic association to these times.

2) Seek out social situations

Imagine living in a house for thirty years, but always avoiding one room. When you finally ventured into the mysterious room, you might feel a little tense and anxious. Why? The more we avoid something, the more we send the message to the unconscious mind: "I am

avoiding this because it is dangerous." Your mind, trying to be helpful, builds up the fear of what it is you're avoiding even more. In nature, we avoid a clump of trees because it might have lions in it or we avoid cliff edges because falling off means death. We avoid what frightens us and, in return, are frightened by what we avoid. So start actively putting yourself in social situations.

Another way to cultivate outward focus is to ask questions. Social anxiety has us worrying what other people think of us, so focus on other people instead. Be curious. Ask people open-ended questions that require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer. Make a point of remembering what

they say and referring back to it later to demonstrate your interest. Again, this forces your focus of attention to shift outward. It's also nice for other people, meaning you might accidentally make

 friends as a 'by-product' of this strategy.

4) Make a much careful use of your imagination

Your imagination is a wonderful thing. Used constructively, it can be a massive help (see Tip 1

above). But social anxiety often has you using it to scare yourself. This is like using a hammer (a

potentially useful tool) to wash the dishes. Years of public speaking taught me that trying to imagine what people are thinking of you is a big no- no. If you catch yourself 'mind-reading', tell yourself the truth: "Look, I really don't – and can't – know

what these other people are thinking right now!" Ultimately, we can influence what others think of us, but we can never control it. And as you become more socially confident, you'll care less anyway. To change any behavior, your mind needs positive instructions. Don't think: "I hope I don't feel terrified  usual!" – this is like someone asking you directions by telling you where they don't want to end up. Instead, ask yourself: "How do I want to feel in these situations?" And get into the habit of focusing on that. Find your 'target feeling' by looking to times when you are  comfortable with others (say, old friends or trusted family members). Then you can use these situations as templates for preparing your mind to perform the way you want in social situations. To do this, close your eyes and get yourself nice and relaxed. Take time to remember how it feels to be with these familiar people until you get a strong feeling of comfort. Imagine seeing yourself in a formerly less comfortable social situation, but behaving like you do with your trusted friends. This sort of mental rehearsal is extremely powerful and can make a massive difference over time.

5) Be yourself

Part of social anxiety treatment involves teaching people to be relaxed enough to be able to present a less-than-perfect image. That's right; people who are relaxed about sometimes making a 'bit of a fool of themselves' tend to be much more socially confident. There's no need for you to become a party buffoon, but being prepared to show a less- than-perfect side of yourself is a sign of great confidence. For example, being humorous is a (slight) risk because it might just produce a stony silence (it's happened to me – no, really!). The point is that social anxiety gets us caring too much about what others think. Trying to present a perfect front makes us stilted by driving out spontaneity. Typical self-conscious thoughts are: "I hope no one notices I'm tense." "What if people think I'm stupid?!" "Who would want to hear anything I have to say?" "I think I'm coming across as a weirdo!" These all imply that occasional tenseness, weirdness, and inappropriate speech are somehow out of the norm for human interaction. Believe me, they're not (even, I'm sure, inside Buckingham Palace!). Worrying about ever 'putting a foot wrong' is a form of perfectionism. Being a perfectionist is fine when doing surgery, but not for meeting the in-laws or going to that neighbor's party. Even socially confident people occasionally act a little weird or get the wrong end of a conversation or feel flustered.

The difference is, they relax with these things when

they do happen.

Its been 6 weeks of making use of these tips and am starting to feel some change in my life, I am able to control myself better when am in a social situation like a group date with friends. No need to rely on those expensive pills which the doctor tells us to take or go seek assistance of a therapist which will be glad to talk a lot of crap with you so that he cashes out as much as possible for you. These tips are cost effective and can ease up the pressure on your life if, well atleast that's what they are doing in mine. Or if you think you do better with medication I advise you to read my article on natural remedies for anxiety, it might help you.

Sources: www.pickthebrain.com

                Wikihow

                www.mayockinic.com

Article written by: Cristo Rutazihana